Her boyfriend called her while we were having sex she answered it and we continued. Her boyfriend kept asking her why she moaning and she said she was masturbating.

I told my girlfriend I want 8 kids and she’s arguing like she’s going to be the mother.

My son proposed to his fiancée about six months ago and she said yes. They’re super happy, we love her family too. I just found out today that another girl is in love with him and plans to propose next week… should I say anything? Oh and also, he’s 4. They’re all 4.

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 92). We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find him staring every time. When the teenager had had enough, he sarcastically asked, “What’s the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life? Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response, knowing he would have a good one, and in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response.” “Got drunk once, and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son.”